i'm all grown up now

... you know? Married 'n' stuff.

Well, I decided to shake off the wedding planning and start a blog that is very much ME. It's going to be my platinum blonde head splattered all over your monitor in the best most creative way possible. I am going to use it to talk about anything and everything. There will be some weekly features and also a whole lot of blogging about marriage and our big dirty honeymoon of exotic travels. My new home is...

If you're here to talk wedding, you can find my wedding report and all my posts over on the glorious polka dot pages of Rock My Wedding. If you want to follow my life and marriage, please feel free to follow on over to Rocked By Life. It will be beautiful and fun. I promise.

xo

no time to breathe

Shopping, cleaning, drinking and blogging. I don't remember what any of these feel like.

Everything has stopped, except my head.

I lie awake at 6am thinking. Thinking about remembering and thinking about doing. Then I get up and do what I'm thinking about. My life has transformed into a series of lists and tick boxes.

But I feel cool, calm and oh so collected. Like a swan. Graceful and serene, but under the blissful water, the legs are going like fuck.

If this is what wedding stress feels like, I'm kinda enjoying it.

I've turned into a crazy, haven't I?

the L word

As some of you may or may not know, I have been off ill with the aul Swine Flu. It was not a wonderful time to be truly honest. Spent most of it on the sofa watching crappy day time TV and feeling sorry for myself. In the midst of all the eucalyptus, tissues, cough syrup and Lockets, I began wondering about something.

Now I'm going to get all like the bloke that did the "always wear sunscreen' song on you here. But it's purely just me voicing my own thoughts and ponderings on the big L word... Life.

I have spent most of mine, very aware that I will only get one. And any of you reading this that haven't realised that yet, consider this your boot up the backside. You will never have this moment again. It will be gone and before you know it you could be 80 years old thinking "What the hell did I do?". So my mission in life is to do all of the things I want to do and knock as much craic out of it as possible in the process. There is no point pursuing a lifetime worth of goals and not having fun. At least, if for some reason you do not meet those targets, you can always think of the love and laughter you gained in the process of trying. 

When I was about 18, I made a list. A list of all the things I wanted to do in my time on this earth. I thought about the things and experiences that would make me happy. I made a point of having some easily achievable things, some difficult things and some just-for-the-fun-of-it things on my list. So here is my 5 year old list. The pink things are those I've done.

• Get a degree
• See U2 in concert
• Take my kids to Disney Land Florida
• Live in a different country
• Learn Latin
• Learn to play piano
• Own a house with a garden
• Have my own studio
• Jump through a pane of sugar glass
• Own a motorbike
• Learn to drive
• Get a tattoo
• Live somewhere where I don't speak the language
• Travel the world

I was speaking to my bridesmaid Becks about this (which was my inspiration for this post), who made me realise that it's ok to review your list. It is not definite. It will change as you do. I am now getting married and will be embarking upon a new chapter in my life, so what better time to revise my list. I've pondered it in my feverish state and came up with a new list... and here it is:

• Sit somewhere and try to comprehend something incomprehensible
• Grow vegetables
• Ride a bike with streamers and a basket
• Make fudge
• Own a car
• Do a cookery course
• Judge a competition
• Sail a boat
• Get my hair cut pixie short
• Have a house with a red or navy door
• Wear jewellery on a beach
• Eat street food in Thailand
• Do some aid work
• Fall asleep in a hammock
• Perfect my evil laugh

Please bear in mind that this is by no means a resolution list. These are things I would like to be able to look back on when I'm wrinkly and old and say, I did that and God it was fun.

So, have any of you got lists of your own? I love having sneaky peeks so please share! Seriously... I love lists.

beyond devine

My quest for jewellery has been, well... it hasn't been anything. I have not seen ONE piece of pretty that I want to drape around my neck on my wedding day.


All I wanted was a little bit of something that's 'me'. Something a bit different. Something a bit rock & roll. Because in all honesty, the only piece of expensive jewellery that I wear is my engagement ring. I have had gorgeous 'spensive stuff bought for me over the years. They stay wrapped up in their lovely little boxes kept for the sentiment only.


However I am a jewellery junkie. How can this be? I hear you ask. Well my love affair is with jewellery of the costume variety. Pieces of quirky, sexy treasure that are to be found in high street stores, boutiques and vintage shops alike. I love to mix them, match them, break them and remake them. I find myself wearing a piece until I hate it, only to find it 6 months later and fall in love with it all over again. 


When thinking about my wedding, I always knew it would be costume. After all, that's what the dress is essentially... a costume. So, although I did not want something sparkly and silver that would forever lie in a drawer. I didn't really want to go high street either.


That is when Bijoux Devine entered my life. As if by magic, my prayers were answered. A wonderful little online cave of hand crafted treasure and trinkets, made right here, in Edinburgh. Designer Anne Marie Wood had me at 'octopus'. 

Her collection of amazing necklaces were exactly what I was looking for. Something beautiful, well made and a little bit edgy. The only thing that shook me more than the beauty of these pieces was the cost! How this lady can afford to sell pirate treasure for such a great price I shall never know... nor shall I grumble. 

Her signature off centre detail along the chain (I'm guessing roughly around where your collar bone would be) and beautiful choice of pendants, give the necklaces that stamp of special that make them wedding worthy.

Although impressed by her sexy little collection, I couldn't shake the bridal need for something extra special. I emailed Anne Marie with a cheeky request for something bespoke and she could not have been more cool and helpful. I will be meeting with her over coffee for a chat about what I want. I will keep you posted every step of the way.


But as for now, here's a few words from the über cool Anne Marie:

I love it when people... Show how passionate they are about music. I feel like I know them better instantly.

I don't know what I'd do without my... Internet connection. Whether it's blogging, satisfying my fashion fixation or checking my bank balance, my world would come crashing down if didn't get online for at least a few hours each day.

My inspiration comes from... My idols such as David Bowie, Freja Beha Erichsen, Alison Mosshart, Gareth Pugh, Jethro Cave, Tim Burton... I could go on. Individuality, androgyny, the concept of alter ego and the darker side of everything. The pieces are intended to be worn by boys and girls alike and are designed to be stacked and mismatched and draped like pirate treasure.

I like to rock out to... Muse, Depeche Mode, Kasabian, B.R.M.C, The Horrors, The Presets, David Bowie, The Strokes, Crashdïet, Sohodolls, Placebo, Wolfmother, Joy Division, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, The Kills, The Cribs, The Smiths, Goldfrapp,  ... actually, how long have we got?

Seriously... don't you love her already? So if your thinking of something sweet, special and a little bit different for yourself, something personalised and stunning for your maids that you KNOW they will wear again, or just fancy having a nosey, head over to Bijoux Devine. You will not be disappointed.

standing in the way of control

Its taken me years to get to this point, so although it's difficult, I'm just going to come out and say it as I did about an hour ago to an awesome bride friend of mine on twitter.

I think... I THINK... I might be a control freak.

I don't know whether it's because I'm used to taking control of my own designs, or whether I am just "one of THOSE people", but I cannot-for-the-life-of-me relinquish control on anything wedding related. What the fudge is all that about?

At the start I thought, "wowzers... wedding... big task. But that's ok because I'll  have my nearest and dearest to help me." Now I am finding myself taking (imaginary) baseball bats to the faces of those that try to help me. That's right... help me. Nice, lovely, soft, gentle help. And I persist to smash it to pieces with a nervous "No, I'm fine, I have it all sorted. Don't you worry!".

The truth...? I am fine. I have got everything under control and I am ok with that. What I am not ok with, is this recent feeling that I'm pushing people away and making them feel a bit helpless, all because I can't let go of a tiny bit of responsibility. The reason for this childish grip on all things mine is... well, to be absolutely, hand-on-my-heart honest about it all... Here it is...

I think I can do a better job at everything than everyone else/ I'm afraid they'll do something I don't like.

There... I said it. I know that makes me sound like a horrendous pompous bitch. But it's how I feel. I think I've built the day up to be worth so much that I am afraid of other people messing it up on me. I'm absolutely, totally and utterly ready to hand over all control on the actual day itself. I do not care if Auntie Jo is hanging upside down from my carefully crafted pompoms with my veil between her teeth. Because it will be the day. The lead up to it, I just don't want to have to stress about other people getting things done. I would rather do them myself. Is that really so so horrible?

In typing this I have seen that the main reason behind all of this is fear. So what's the saying? Feel the fear and do it anyway? I know... I need to let go of things and accept help. But I think I'll hang on a liiiitttle while longer. Just in case.