i'm all grown up now

... you know? Married 'n' stuff.

Well, I decided to shake off the wedding planning and start a blog that is very much ME. It's going to be my platinum blonde head splattered all over your monitor in the best most creative way possible. I am going to use it to talk about anything and everything. There will be some weekly features and also a whole lot of blogging about marriage and our big dirty honeymoon of exotic travels. My new home is...

If you're here to talk wedding, you can find my wedding report and all my posts over on the glorious polka dot pages of Rock My Wedding. If you want to follow my life and marriage, please feel free to follow on over to Rocked By Life. It will be beautiful and fun. I promise.

xo

no time to breathe

Shopping, cleaning, drinking and blogging. I don't remember what any of these feel like.

Everything has stopped, except my head.

I lie awake at 6am thinking. Thinking about remembering and thinking about doing. Then I get up and do what I'm thinking about. My life has transformed into a series of lists and tick boxes.

But I feel cool, calm and oh so collected. Like a swan. Graceful and serene, but under the blissful water, the legs are going like fuck.

If this is what wedding stress feels like, I'm kinda enjoying it.

I've turned into a crazy, haven't I?

the L word

As some of you may or may not know, I have been off ill with the aul Swine Flu. It was not a wonderful time to be truly honest. Spent most of it on the sofa watching crappy day time TV and feeling sorry for myself. In the midst of all the eucalyptus, tissues, cough syrup and Lockets, I began wondering about something.

Now I'm going to get all like the bloke that did the "always wear sunscreen' song on you here. But it's purely just me voicing my own thoughts and ponderings on the big L word... Life.

I have spent most of mine, very aware that I will only get one. And any of you reading this that haven't realised that yet, consider this your boot up the backside. You will never have this moment again. It will be gone and before you know it you could be 80 years old thinking "What the hell did I do?". So my mission in life is to do all of the things I want to do and knock as much craic out of it as possible in the process. There is no point pursuing a lifetime worth of goals and not having fun. At least, if for some reason you do not meet those targets, you can always think of the love and laughter you gained in the process of trying. 

When I was about 18, I made a list. A list of all the things I wanted to do in my time on this earth. I thought about the things and experiences that would make me happy. I made a point of having some easily achievable things, some difficult things and some just-for-the-fun-of-it things on my list. So here is my 5 year old list. The pink things are those I've done.

• Get a degree
• See U2 in concert
• Take my kids to Disney Land Florida
• Live in a different country
• Learn Latin
• Learn to play piano
• Own a house with a garden
• Have my own studio
• Jump through a pane of sugar glass
• Own a motorbike
• Learn to drive
• Get a tattoo
• Live somewhere where I don't speak the language
• Travel the world

I was speaking to my bridesmaid Becks about this (which was my inspiration for this post), who made me realise that it's ok to review your list. It is not definite. It will change as you do. I am now getting married and will be embarking upon a new chapter in my life, so what better time to revise my list. I've pondered it in my feverish state and came up with a new list... and here it is:

• Sit somewhere and try to comprehend something incomprehensible
• Grow vegetables
• Ride a bike with streamers and a basket
• Make fudge
• Own a car
• Do a cookery course
• Judge a competition
• Sail a boat
• Get my hair cut pixie short
• Have a house with a red or navy door
• Wear jewellery on a beach
• Eat street food in Thailand
• Do some aid work
• Fall asleep in a hammock
• Perfect my evil laugh

Please bear in mind that this is by no means a resolution list. These are things I would like to be able to look back on when I'm wrinkly and old and say, I did that and God it was fun.

So, have any of you got lists of your own? I love having sneaky peeks so please share! Seriously... I love lists.

beyond devine

My quest for jewellery has been, well... it hasn't been anything. I have not seen ONE piece of pretty that I want to drape around my neck on my wedding day.


All I wanted was a little bit of something that's 'me'. Something a bit different. Something a bit rock & roll. Because in all honesty, the only piece of expensive jewellery that I wear is my engagement ring. I have had gorgeous 'spensive stuff bought for me over the years. They stay wrapped up in their lovely little boxes kept for the sentiment only.


However I am a jewellery junkie. How can this be? I hear you ask. Well my love affair is with jewellery of the costume variety. Pieces of quirky, sexy treasure that are to be found in high street stores, boutiques and vintage shops alike. I love to mix them, match them, break them and remake them. I find myself wearing a piece until I hate it, only to find it 6 months later and fall in love with it all over again. 


When thinking about my wedding, I always knew it would be costume. After all, that's what the dress is essentially... a costume. So, although I did not want something sparkly and silver that would forever lie in a drawer. I didn't really want to go high street either.


That is when Bijoux Devine entered my life. As if by magic, my prayers were answered. A wonderful little online cave of hand crafted treasure and trinkets, made right here, in Edinburgh. Designer Anne Marie Wood had me at 'octopus'. 

Her collection of amazing necklaces were exactly what I was looking for. Something beautiful, well made and a little bit edgy. The only thing that shook me more than the beauty of these pieces was the cost! How this lady can afford to sell pirate treasure for such a great price I shall never know... nor shall I grumble. 

Her signature off centre detail along the chain (I'm guessing roughly around where your collar bone would be) and beautiful choice of pendants, give the necklaces that stamp of special that make them wedding worthy.

Although impressed by her sexy little collection, I couldn't shake the bridal need for something extra special. I emailed Anne Marie with a cheeky request for something bespoke and she could not have been more cool and helpful. I will be meeting with her over coffee for a chat about what I want. I will keep you posted every step of the way.


But as for now, here's a few words from the über cool Anne Marie:

I love it when people... Show how passionate they are about music. I feel like I know them better instantly.

I don't know what I'd do without my... Internet connection. Whether it's blogging, satisfying my fashion fixation or checking my bank balance, my world would come crashing down if didn't get online for at least a few hours each day.

My inspiration comes from... My idols such as David Bowie, Freja Beha Erichsen, Alison Mosshart, Gareth Pugh, Jethro Cave, Tim Burton... I could go on. Individuality, androgyny, the concept of alter ego and the darker side of everything. The pieces are intended to be worn by boys and girls alike and are designed to be stacked and mismatched and draped like pirate treasure.

I like to rock out to... Muse, Depeche Mode, Kasabian, B.R.M.C, The Horrors, The Presets, David Bowie, The Strokes, Crashdïet, Sohodolls, Placebo, Wolfmother, Joy Division, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, The Kills, The Cribs, The Smiths, Goldfrapp,  ... actually, how long have we got?

Seriously... don't you love her already? So if your thinking of something sweet, special and a little bit different for yourself, something personalised and stunning for your maids that you KNOW they will wear again, or just fancy having a nosey, head over to Bijoux Devine. You will not be disappointed.

standing in the way of control

Its taken me years to get to this point, so although it's difficult, I'm just going to come out and say it as I did about an hour ago to an awesome bride friend of mine on twitter.

I think... I THINK... I might be a control freak.

I don't know whether it's because I'm used to taking control of my own designs, or whether I am just "one of THOSE people", but I cannot-for-the-life-of-me relinquish control on anything wedding related. What the fudge is all that about?

At the start I thought, "wowzers... wedding... big task. But that's ok because I'll  have my nearest and dearest to help me." Now I am finding myself taking (imaginary) baseball bats to the faces of those that try to help me. That's right... help me. Nice, lovely, soft, gentle help. And I persist to smash it to pieces with a nervous "No, I'm fine, I have it all sorted. Don't you worry!".

The truth...? I am fine. I have got everything under control and I am ok with that. What I am not ok with, is this recent feeling that I'm pushing people away and making them feel a bit helpless, all because I can't let go of a tiny bit of responsibility. The reason for this childish grip on all things mine is... well, to be absolutely, hand-on-my-heart honest about it all... Here it is...

I think I can do a better job at everything than everyone else/ I'm afraid they'll do something I don't like.

There... I said it. I know that makes me sound like a horrendous pompous bitch. But it's how I feel. I think I've built the day up to be worth so much that I am afraid of other people messing it up on me. I'm absolutely, totally and utterly ready to hand over all control on the actual day itself. I do not care if Auntie Jo is hanging upside down from my carefully crafted pompoms with my veil between her teeth. Because it will be the day. The lead up to it, I just don't want to have to stress about other people getting things done. I would rather do them myself. Is that really so so horrible?

In typing this I have seen that the main reason behind all of this is fear. So what's the saying? Feel the fear and do it anyway? I know... I need to let go of things and accept help. But I think I'll hang on a liiiitttle while longer. Just in case.

i hate snow

Ok, bold statement.

But I am slightly disenchanted with the powdery white shite. In general terms, I actually really love the stuff. I love watching it fall when I'm cosied up on my sofa with a steaming cup of tea. I love the childish fascination of wanting to build the best snowman in the world! I love the adult fascination of exactly how many inches of snow have fallen in your area or how low the temperature got.

What I do not love is the constant scare mongering by the media. The pictures of cars wheel spinning and bumper to bumper motorways. People complaining that it's "too cold!". It's fucking winter! What do you expect? And I shall bet any money that they're the same people winging that it's "too hot" when we occasionally get a wee week of summer.

The first day of snow in our street.

Now, I am not proposing that we all go frolicking into the wonderland in celebration of the snow. I am just saying that I think we need to live with it, learn from it and get on with it... like everyone else in the world seems to be able to do.

I know that there may be some of you reading this thinking "Aye, ok for you to say.. I haven't been able to get to work/catch my flight/ receive post/buy presents" (delete as appropriate). But I do know how this feels. It's not nice is it? Gavin and I have suffered greatly because of the stuff. Not only has my sexy man friend been  out of work for the last few weeks (and he's a driving instructor so no work = no money) but we are due to fly home tomorrow night to Belfast to spend Christmas with my family.

The love of my life walking into the wilderness. How Dramatic.

We managed to get home by the skin of our teeth last year which was great... but this year, I feel that I NEED to get home. If I don't get home, we will be spending Christmas with Gavin's family, which in essence I have no problem with, I love them all and already see them as an extension of my own family. But I feel that I would be spending the whole time pining for my own Christmas, my own traditions and my own family. I also feel that it would be a topic of conversation. A topic that I would have to put a brave face on for when inside I would be secretly gutted. Gutted and heartbroken...

You see it's my last year as Naomi Farrell. The last time I can really indulge in the childish nature of Christmas with my family. I know that I can always go home at Christmas even after I'm married, but it kinda feels like this is my chance to say goodbye to my childhood. Next year I will be Mrs Naomi Liddell. A lady. A woman. A Mrs. and potentially in some years to come A Mummy. So I want to spend this one in my PJ's that my Mummy buys me, eating stuffing that my Daddy makes, watching Christmas films with my Brother and Sister.

Am I the only one attaching so much emotional importance to this? How do you feel about your last Christmas as a "insert maiden name"?

6 month bliss

So we now have 5 months and 21 days to go.

And I feel glorious.

As you may have known through following the blog or my tweets, I have been a tad stressed about the impending day... on occasion. It's a very twisty road for me. Some days I am bursting with pride and anticipation, some days I am bursting into tears at the thought of not having a colour scheme (which, of course, I still do not have). But I can honestly say that in the entire 16 months that I have been planning the shenanigans, I have not felt so blissfully happy and at ease with the whole process as I have done this past month.

See... this is me really really really happy
(at our engagement shoot)

Seriously, everything is rosy. Gavin and I have been having so much fun together and I don't feel at all consumed by the wedding. Which is how I thought I would be feeling at this point in time. But I have a delicious balance on the go at the moment. Both in my head and in how I spend my time. However, I think the main change has been my attitude toward the task. It's so much more relaxed and enjoyable.

I am a bit unsure as to why this is... It may be because I am now doing rather than planning. It may be because the 27th of May is in sight. It may be because I am now making solid decisions. Or it may simply be because people have changed comments from "2011? Och, you've got looooads of time pet." to "May? Not long now, eh?". Whatever the reason, long may it last.

I am not quite blonde enough to believe that I will feel no pressure or strain as the days tick by, but I would certainly like to keep this sense of equilibrium that I seem to have found. So please tell me, is it possible to remain cucumber cool in the last throes of wedding planning or are we all doomed to a complete emotional upheaval as the day draws nearer?